This exhibit tells part of the story of the horrid treatment of Tibet by China…
Meditating yesterday…..sat in front of the west window..watching the sun set between the rooftops across the neighborhood. As I sat and listened to the bowl chime I tried to do a ‘soft’ focus on the setting sun….then the intense cacophony of remainder thoughts was overwhelming in my head…so I just breathed…acknowledged this raising dissonant sound in my head…and then let it go out of my head…adn went back to looking at the setting sun between the rooftops. Everytime the river of randomness would surge in my head….I would mentally open the gates…and let it go..drain out…and look at the sun again….then back to the ‘egg of light’….and I visualized it in front of me and a little above me, surrounding me in a warm bright light. I quietly prayed that Archangel Micheal would embrace me bring me all of God’s love…self acceptance and acknowledgement of my own worth. I prayed that he would keep me with him..and open my heart. As the ringing chimes indicated the end of the ten minutes I raised my head, noticed the sun was almost behind the other side of the earth…and took a deep breath.
I did feel very calm after…and then continued my day/evening. I did feel consciously lighter, more ready to laugh at Nellie..more patient with her puppy chewing and snapping…and she seemed to respond by doing less of both…reflecting on ti late that night, it seemed like I was someone else. Quite remarkable. I let the nagging thoughts of how much the basement renovation work would take (after the sewage back up destroyed drywall and carpet, just out of my head…and focused on Nellie and what we were doing, playing catch with the blue and gold knot ball.
As i meditated I also said a prayer that I had read earlier that day…
May i be at peace. May my heart remain open. May I awaken to the light of my own true nature May I be healed. May I be a source of healing for all beings.
(that one did seem a tad egotistical…but hey…the woman that wrote the prayer, and the book, is better at this than most)
That will be my focus today as i ‘sit’ this afternoon.
The Jehovah Witness women came today, after a long absence. (After my specific prayer to keep my heart open) This particular Witness always come to our house, about once a quarter. She is a true angel. Now I don’t follow their teachings, but her knowledge of the Bible, her light brief approach to her work is genius. She always makes me feel better….and how can it hurt to have someone, even a Jehovah Witness, praying for you? I think she is a source of healing for all beings….because of her heart and intent.
This writer has experienced religion as something he rejected as a youth, despite his family heritage. Then found his way back to it, not in a straight line, but as a circle, by living every day in many diverse settings of other religions. I think this is another way to ‘meditate’, not in the traditional ‘sit’ method, but as a person moves through one’s day.
Buddha can hold all my worries in his hand…and they fly away as butterflies…..
I have had a clinical psychologist on my payroll for a thousand years….(that’s what it seems like to the different therapists) . My uber master of all psychologists had the nerve to retire…can you believe it? So I called the two names referred to me by her and another doctor I know. Both…BOTH of these clinical psychologists are too busy for new victims….no, just one was too busy..the other only took a certain type of insurance, and you would be correct to bet that i DO NOT have that particular type of insurance. So….there ya’ go…thanks, thanks, for nothing….as i look at news articles about how the climate change will wreck lives of people and make extinct animals of our diverse planet…and that continued topic just makes me sick with fear…sick with sadness and sick that we could have done something about it…but the people that make too much money on oil….coal…natural gas….don’t want to make less money. So they buy elected officials and ensure that nothing punitive or meaningful will be done to curb if not reverse global warming andi its deleterious effect on our planet..but that’s just me…
That fruitless therapist search was the icing on the proverbial cake as this week progresses….
Is this meditation, does this meditation include a component of ‘surrender’? I have had a miserable week..and it is only Tuesday…everything from sinus infection that renders sleep impossible, a broken ankle that renders walking my dog impossible…and now a backed up sewer drain..that ran into enough of the finished lower level that now I have big swaths of dry wall missing..carpet long gone..and any idea of how or why it happened not even close to being understood…if i surrender any sense of control or even appreciating what i can learn from all this…will that make it all as easy as standing in a light soft warm breeze on a spring day? So tomorrow i will make a specific point of meditating….in a new spot…and try to surrender…to all of it..it has won…now does that mean I can move on and quit stressing over what is uncontrollable ?