I am, like everyone else, just trying to figure it out. Both what ‘it’ is and what there is to actually figure out and how do I know when I have…figured it out. Closer to 60 than 50, retired on a medical disability at age 43 from a job I loved…was good at…and made a lot of money. But I am ‘over ‘ that now, right….? That might have been o.k. except that along the way all these years, more and more physical challenges, lows and highs have bounced me like a rag doll. I have always had a reservoir of grace and humor as I encountered these illnesses. But now, after a long 2-3 year bout of unspeakable, isolating and miserable symptoms I have bottomed out on that grace and humor. I think this attempt at meditation..coupled with my long time goal of establishing a blog…and then even writing more at depth about my life…(how presumptuous is that?)…is a way for me to work up from the bottom of the pit I find myself in after all these medical mysteries ravaged me…and find that equilibrium of life that keeps it all much easier to take and experience. A small attempt by one person to find my way back..and through it all….to know I am where I should be and this is worth it, despite the possible future physical and illness set backs that I will inevitably encounter.